Talking, thinking and discussing trans identity and parenting does not award me and my family immunity to transphobia and homophobia, we are still very much affected. The other night I was walking home from the train and was carrying my sleeping son (2 and 1/2 yrs) on my shoulder. As I walked up the avenue two cisgender men passed me. The one closer to me looked me up and down and said loudly as he passed just inches away from the side on which I was carrying my son, “fuckin hoes tryin to be men”. I proceeded without engaging, enraged by my powerlessness. Two blocks later as I turned onto my street an older gentleman sees me as he loads a TV onto a cart. He double-takes and then stares as I approach and I can tell he will engage me. When I come within a couple feet he barks an arbitrary and cruel order that I “need to make that boy walk” (referring to my son). I know he is only trying to incite a reaction so I continue walking. As I pass he is maddened and loudly tries to get my attention with “Hey…..hey!”. I hear him walking towards me as he then yells so loudly his voice breaks, “I know you heard me, woman!”. A man I know who lives on my street sees what is happening and stands in between the stranger and myself as I continue walking; the harassment abates.
...until the next time, and the time after that....
Nothing about these instances are simple. When I am read as a woman I am hypersexualized and experience sexism, when I am read as a man I experience privilege and resentment, when I am read as gender nonconforming I am seen as disrupting the social order of gender norms and experience transphobia. I am seen as relinquishing the non-threatening and highly desirable femininity that am expected to embrace and usurping privileges of masculinity that I am not entitled to.
Anger...towards me, towards themselves, towards a confusing world of power and control
...
Watever explanation and reasoning there is or is not, none can excuse the threat that implicates a child.....this has a new taste, and it is wretched.....
...until the next time, and the time after that....
Nothing about these instances are simple. When I am read as a woman I am hypersexualized and experience sexism, when I am read as a man I experience privilege and resentment, when I am read as gender nonconforming I am seen as disrupting the social order of gender norms and experience transphobia. I am seen as relinquishing the non-threatening and highly desirable femininity that am expected to embrace and usurping privileges of masculinity that I am not entitled to.
Anger...towards me, towards themselves, towards a confusing world of power and control
...
Watever explanation and reasoning there is or is not, none can excuse the threat that implicates a child.....this has a new taste, and it is wretched.....
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